


Let Me Sleep

by FabulousMe



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Bad Decisions, Best Boy Yunho, Friendship/Love, Happy Ending, Hongjoong & Seonghwa Are Trying Their Best, Hongjoong means well, Hurt Choi San, Hurt/Comfort, Love & Affection are important, M/M, Stubborn Kim Hongjoong, Stupid Boys, Yunho is San's sleeping pill, he hurts too, mostly San-centric, petty Hongjoong, petty San
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:26:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23402197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FabulousMe/pseuds/FabulousMe
Summary: Hongjoong believes some change has to be made.San disagrees.(or the leader's drastic measures brings a whole set of new problems.)
Relationships: Choi San/Jeong Yunho, Kim Hongjoong & Choi San, Kim Hongjoong & Park Seonghwa
Comments: 8
Kudos: 180





	Let Me Sleep

**Author's Note:**

> Basically YunSan shouting to the world they only need each other as room mates and all is good.
> 
> They're so squishy I needed to write smth about them, and cuddles and sleep *.* It's completely self-indulgent as usual.

### Let me Sleep,

It isn't a secret that Yunho and San have shared the same room since the beginning. Started out as a random distribution it ended in convenience as both of them are the biggest cuddlers in the group and it happened a few times that one or another was almost suffocated by their sleep cuddles. San also happens to sleep the best when around Yunho. (He might or might not have thrown a fuss a handful times when he was feeling unwell and wanted the other in bed with him and Hongjoong refused him.)

The problem, at least in Hongjoong's opinion, is that the pairing is too static. At the beginning the others have complained they wanted to room with the two as well and then it turned in them arguing why they had to switch room mates when Yunho and San don't have to. Jealousy isn't good for a functional group dynamic so Hongjoong decides change has to be made. «Maybe we need them to switch.»

Seonghwa nods thoughtfully. «It isn't so much a Yunho problem but a San one. We need to think about how to break it to him so he doesn't flip. It'll probably be better if we separate them for a while.»

San who coincidentally passes by to the kitchen halts in his tracks and blurts out, «You can't!»

Hongjoong stares at him, the stern expression telling the younger everything he needs to know. «We worry about you, Sanie. You refuse to sleep apart from Yunho, that's not healthy.»

«Forcing me to sleep somehwere else isn't healthy!»

San knows he sound like a little child but he can't help it. The prospect of being ripped from his room mate is scary.

«It's only for a little while, okay?» Seonghwa tries the gentle route, a comforting smile directed at San. As expected, it fails. «You can't make me do that!»

«Actually we can,» Hongjoong says. «It's been a group decision. You're outvoted. From today onwards you switch with the others every week. If we seem it enough we'll go back to the original room arrangement with the condition once in a while you and Yunho have to room with the others.»

Tears gather in San's eyes and he whispers a quiet «I hate you» before storming back to his room where Yunho already awaits him with a small smile. «They told you?»

«You knew?» San asks weakly and falls against the other who wraps him in a familiar embrace. «It'll be fine, Sanie. It's only a few weeks. Think of it as us being on tour.»

San sniffles and burrows closer, arms tightening around Yunho's waist. «Don't wanna,» he mumbles childishly.

«We can still cuddle as usual. The only difference is us being in different rooms. It'll be fine.»

«You mean it?»

Yunho smiles down at him and presses kisses to San's skin until he hears the other giggle and feels him swat at him. «Of course, Sanie. Pinky promise.»

That brings a small smile of his own on San's face and he links their pinkies together. Maybe Yunho is right. Maybe it's not as bad as it seems. A few weeks is nothing.

It is as bad as he expected.

Don't get him wrong, Jongho isn't a horrible room mate or anything, but he isn't _Yunho_. Nor are the others which Hongjoong says is the point of the whole arrangement when San complains to him about it the next day. The leader doesn't seem to worry about the lack of sleep San had. Seonghwa jumps in saying it'll pendle itself in and the second night San will sleep better.

San comes to the conclusion the two oldest are liars. His second night in Mingi's bed isn't any better except for the several plushies Yunho was so kind to bring earlier. They even cuddled and talked to Jongho who was very adamant about sharpening his apple breaking skills and San thought everything's fine and he could fall asleep only to be violently pushed back into reality when Yunho got up and left with a whispered «good night» pressed against San's forehead. So, no, this night isn't any better. _Not in the slightest_.

He hugs Shiber closer to his chest and listens to Jongho's gentle snores. Even the noise is wrong! How does Hongjoong expect him so sleep when everything's different? At some point he does fell asleep, somewhat, and wakes to the first string of light filtering through the blinds.

At the breakfast table he purposefully ignores the two oldest and makes a beeline for Yunho who welcomes him with a warm smile that makes San immediately better despite the four hours of sleep he got. He sticks to the taller one's side (or Wooyoung's if needed) most of the day and concludes if every day's routine is similar than he can handle the long six weeks ahead of him.

By now San should've learned optimism isn't welcomed.

****

«So? How did the first week go?» Hongjoong asks once they're back in the dressing room after performing for amusic show.

Jongho shrugs his shoulders. «It was alright. San was moving around a lot so it took longer to fall asleep, not to mention his insistent whines for cuddles.» He shudders at that. «I'm glad I get Mingi back tonight, to be honest.»

Hongjoong pinches his nose and levels near-by San with a disapproving gaze. The latter juts his lower lip out and crosses his arms over his chest. «Just let me sleep in my room and everything's fine,» he says petuantly.

Hongjoong sighs. «Fine you can go back to your room.» San perks up at that, the hint of a bright smile making it to his face only to crumble after the next words, «but hen Yunho has to leave.»

«Forget it,» San grumbles and flops on the sofa, justling Wooyoung who spills sauce over his trousers. It starts with them bickering and ends in a food fight Seonghwa is quick to intervene and stop any catastrophe before it could happen.

Hongjoong watches from the sidelines and wonders why this can't go smoothly.

«I'm not sure you'll get the results you want,» Yeosang says and stands next to him.

«I'm not sure either but it's worth a try. San is too fixated on Yunho making him sleep.»

«Apparently, Yunho isn't doing so well either.»

Hongjoong glances to where Yunho sits, quietly eating the chicken the staff ordered earlier. Nothing looks out of the ordinary. Yeosang elaborates, «Mingi says Yunho is used to San talking his ear off before they fall asleep and him slipping under Yunho's covers several nights a week or vice versa that Yunho jerks awake in the middle of the night calling for San and only falls asleep again when Mingi gives him one of San's plushies.»

Hongjoong sighs. This is worse than he thought. How did those two got so fixated on sleeping together? Does this fall into addiction already? «Let's hope Wooyoung has a better effect on San. Yunho adapts quickly, it shouldn't be that hard for him.»

Wooyoung does in fact improve San's mood and rises his energy level for the first half of the second week trial but even the best friend connection has limits. Once the novelity wears off San drops harder than the first time. At the end of the week Hongjoon not only has to look after a frustrated San but a teary-eyed Wooyoung as well. Yunho acts his cheerful self, _too cheerful_. Hongjoong would've noticed if his attention hasn't been divided already. Seonghwa keeps watch on the others and tries to keep the tension low. It all works mediocre.

****

Week three brings no change. San sleeps no better than the two weeks beforehand, is certain it is even less. It doesn't help that his thoughts get louder and louder every passing day and prevent him from falling asleep. Wooyoung's presence has helped but even his best friend isn't enough to replace Yunho who seems just fine while he seems to get worse day after day.

«You promised,» San accuses Yunho, eyes teary and red-rimmed. It's been almost four weeks and so far nothing has turned to the better. He is hugging Shiber to his chest, swallowed in a sweater that once belonged to Yunho but has switched owners sometime over the last year. He doesn't mind. The colour looks better on San anyway. The latter glares at him. Normally, it is intimidating but right now it is adorable at best and pitiful at worst. Yunho catches Jongho's grin out of his periphery vision and knows the youngest agrees with him.

«Sanie,» he calls him quietly and opens his arms. San hesitates for a second and then dives into the offered embrace. Yunho smiles in the other's hair. «Two weeks and we're done,» he states and feels the sigh San lets out against his collarbone. «Two weeks too long,» he complains. «It doesn't make sense at all.»

Yunho lets out a laugh. «See it as practice for patience.»

San pushes out of Yunho's arms and levels him with an unimpressed glare. «You know I'm one of the most impatient people on earth. If anything this will only highten the level.»

Yunho chuckles. «I know,» he grins and holds San's face between his hands. He squishes his cheeks the way San likes to do himself and earns himself a whine. «Hold on a little longer?» he request and feels his heart ache when San nuzzles into his left palm, eyes holding a sadness that shouldn't be there. Now that he looks closer San's eye bags seem to have grown. Not to mention his whole complexion is paler than normal. Yunho remembers Mingi telling him San's energy has been low and only seemed to have risen when they did a Vlive. It worries him but he tells himself it won't be long and everything goes back to normal. Soon enough he can cuddle San to sleep again and hear his voice telling another random story in a cheerful tone as he drifts off. Those thoughts keep Yunho sane at night, make them less lonely.

He is unaware of his counter part slipping into much darker thoughts and fitful sleeps. San wonders if it is possible for a person to sustain such a life forever, how people with insomnia survive. As usual his mind drifts off to happier times when his biggest worry was if he could get another hour of sleep before having to get up and being dragged out by Yunho.

He groans. How come the other doesn't look like a zombie?

Maybe he is the only one. Maybe Yunho doesn't care who's his room mate, doesn't need San how San needs him. The thought alone makes San's chest constrict painfully, by now a familiar sensation. Maybe he's glad San isn't his room mate anymore, albeit temporarily, and only pretends to feel bad. San feels his eyes prickle dangerously and shoves the doubts away. No, Yunho isn't like that. It's just his stupid restless mind being exhausted. 

He doesn't bother with a greeting at the breakfast table, the others used by his silence by now. It isn't much different than normal except his rude mannerism. His grandparents would be ashamed which makes him feel even worse. When asked how he slept he mumbles a soulless «the usual» and proceeds to stuff his mouth with food. It tastes bland.

Practice isn't much better.

He messes up againa and again to the point even Yunho gets frustrated and Wooyoung has snapped at him more times than he can count. San feels catapulted back to his trainee days when he wasn't good enough and was told he won't make it.

San hates feeling useless, worthless. He isn't, knows the members don't think that way, too, but everything is so _damn hard_ without the rest he needs and can't get thanks to Hongjoong's stupid decision. San cast a glare to the leader and decided right here and there that if Hongjoong won't listen to him he doesn't have to listen to him either. It's only fair.

It doesn't make him feel as good as he hoped when he defies their leader's orders or prolongs his leave, aware of the fact Hongjoong hates to be late anywhere. In fact his mood pummels down to see the disappointment in Seonghwa's eyes and the frown on Jongho's face. Acting that way won't change the two oldest minds nor does it the group any good. San quietly retracts, shying away from any bodily contact, even Yunho's, and keeps in the background. That way one day bleeds in another.

At night he turns in whatever bed has been left for him (San honestly has forgotten what week it is) and pretends the mass of plushies in his back is a warm body and the heavy comforter atop his torso an arm holding him close. At least his dream haven't forsaken him yet.

****

«Sanie, do you feel unwell?»

Hongjoong snaps his head up at Seonghwa's carefully asked question. Nowadays all of them tread carefully around San. Hongjoong has considered calling the whole arrangement off after seeing the negative change in the younger but whenever he decided to call it off San does something to tick him off and his petty side decided to see it through. There are only two weeks left, they've come this far. 

They don't make it much farer.

Hongjoong has taken Seonghwa out the room after it looked like the oldest would lose it any second due to San treading the line of disresepect he apparently likes to walk on around Hongjoong and Seonghwa. Hongjoong isn't stupid. He knows most of San's ill-tempered behaviour is pointed at them, the others only getting the tail of it that's mostly a less energetic and quite depressed San.

«I know it isn't easy but I swear if he doesn't act more respectful in these two weeks I might slap him,» Seonghwa huffs and cards a hand through his hair as he glares at the closed door a few feet away.

Hongjoong patronisingly pats his arm and steers him further away in the kitchen when the sound of laughter reaches their ears, San's mixed in there. Seonghwa takes in a deep breath and graciously accept the tea Hongjoong hands him. «Thank you. What would I do without you?»

Hongjoong lets out an awkward laugh, aware of the fact his face must be red as a tomato. He still has problems accepting Seonghwa's random acts of appreciation. «Ishould ask you that,» he mumbles and leans his head on Seonghwa's shoulder. They're deep in thoughts they don't hear the steps nearing them.

«Hyungs, can I ask you a question?»

Both of them jerk out of their daydreaming to blink at the newcomer. Yunho stares back at them, face serious it isn't that often outside of dance practice.  
Hongjoong clears his throat and gestures for the younger to continue who doesn't waste any time. «Why did you separate San and me?»

«That came out of the blue,» Seonghwa says in his tea. Hongjoong watches Yunho closely, sees the curiosity anf something he can't quite decipher. «Is there a reason why you ask now?»

Yunho shrugs his shoulders, playing with his fingers. «It's just that Sanie doesn't look well...? I worry about him. In the beginning he told me how much he hates it and that he can't sleep at all and that you two are big meanies – his words, not mine. Now he doesn't talk at all and even shies away from hugs and stuff.»

Hongjoong frowns. He knows their relationship with San is strained at the moment but he thought the rest of the group fared better. «I guess I have to talk to him later.»

Later doesn't come in the way they expected. Seonghwa is done drinking his tea when there's a barely hearable thud and clattering noises, a shocked «San!», followed by a yelled «Hongjoong hyung!» and feet hitting the ground in rapid succession.

Hongjoong shares a glance with Seonghwa and Yunho before hurrying to where the noise came from. In the middle they barrel into a frantic Wooyoung. «Hyung!» he exclaims, fear in his eyes. «We don't know... San just – he was laughing – I don't – on the floor.» It is a mess but Hongjoong gets it. He's quick to dart in their dressing room to find the rest of the group huddled on the floor. Mingi looks close to crying when he catches sight of them. «Hyung,» he whimpers and moves so the newcomers are able to see the figure laying on the ground. Yeosang catches Hongjoong's eyes. «I called the ambulance,» he says matter-of-factly as he cradles San's head in his hands, pillowed on his lap. Spilled contents of make-up cases and perfume bottles lie around them. Must've been the clattering sound.

«What happened?» Seonghwa asks and kneels beside Jongho who looks ashen. He rubs the youngest back in comfort. «We were messing around,» Jongho says, eyes fixed on San's chest. Its movement can barely be detected. «Wooyoung did one of his crazy stunts, San was laughing hysterically and then he just _fell_.» The helpless confusion in the youngest one's voice tugs at everyone's heart strings. «None of this is your fault,» Seonghwa says. Jongho shakes his head and wrings his hands in his lap. «It's just... this wouldn't have happened if San hyung was fine, would it?»

That makes everyone silent, aware of the fact the half-question is true.

In the distance they hear a siren.

****

«The patient is awake,» a nurse informs them. « It appears he suffered from a severe case of sleeplessness and a lack of nourishment. I advise only one visitis for now. He's stable but too much excitement is never good.»

It's decided without a word that the leader has the first go and Hongjoong reminds himself to scold his members later. Pushing someone into a patient's room is _not_ the correct way. His gaze settles on the pale figure on the bed. «Hey, Sanie,» he says and takes a seat at his side. San watches him silently, eyes dull and without the spark they all are used to. «How are you feeling?»

San ducks his head and Hongjoong wonders if he stunted it and the younger won't talk to him ever again. He wants to bash his head against the wall. Some leader he is.

«Hyung...»

Hongjoong sucks in a breath. San's voice sounds frail, _scared_. What has he done? San's next words only inforce Hongjoong's guilt. «Let me sleep with Yunho again?» His heart breaks at the pitiful request. How did it end like this? All he wanted is San being more independent. He never intended for the other's health put at risk because he can't rest like he's supposed to. He's been stupid.

San misinterprets his silence and his eyes fill with new tears. «Please, hyung. I'm begging you.» His voice cracks, expression desperate. «I'll do everything you asks, I won't complain, I behave, I won't be extra during dancing,» San continues, breath shaky as he grabs on Hongjoong's arm. «I-I c-can't do this a-anymore.» San is hiccuping now, tears streaming down his face. Hongjoong feels like the biggest arsehole on earth at the sight. «Please, hyung. I can't sleep well, I can barely eat, I can't even hug Yunho cause it's too much. I'll be good, I promise.» San rubs at his eyes but it doesn't stop the flood of tears. «I-I just want to s-sleep in the same bed a-as h-him,» he whispers, visible deflating.

Hongjoong can't take it anymore. He surges forwards and hugs San close to his chest. He feels the younger stiffen and wants to cry himself. This has been the most stupid idea he had in his life. «I'm sorry, Sanie, I'm so sorry,» he says and tightens his hug. He apologises over and over again, tells San he doesn't have to change anything, that of course, he can sleep together with Yunho again, the whole thing was stupid, he'll make it up to him. He talks until his throat is raw and San has drifted off into sleep dictated by exhaustion.

Hongjoong carefully closes the door behind him and comes face-to-face with Seonghwa and Yunho who stare at him expectantly. The others are nowhere in sight. Seonghwa puts a hand on his shoulder. «It'll be fine,» he says comfortingly and the dam breaks. Hongjoong hides his face in his hands and shakes his head. «I'm a horrible leader,» he chokes out. «This whole sleep schedule thing was bullshit. I should've never dictated who San has to sleep with. It's over, done. I won't ever do this again.»

«You tried your best, hyung,» Yunho chimes in. Hongjoong looks up at him. There's no accusation, no hurt despite the boy's own hardships during this time, only worry and affection. Yunho is too good for this world.

«How about you tell Sanie the good news once he wakes up?» he manages a shaky smile Yunho returns tenfold. He squeezes Hongjoong's hand and says, «Everything's gonna be okay, hyung. In a week we're all back to normal.»

«Thank you, Yunho-yah,» Hongjoong says and pats the other's cheek. «What would we do without you?»

Redness spreads over Yunho's face and he is quick to duck into San's room to avoid any further embarrassment.

«You think San will forgive me?» Hongjoong wonders as he watches Yunho climb into the bed and San automatically curl against his body. Yunho settles an arm around San's waist, presses a kiss to his forehead and buries his face into the sleeping male's hair. The sight makes his heart ache and he wonders how he thought seperating those two has been a good idea. It isn't only San who experienced withdrawal symptoms. Now, as Hongjoong watches the tenseness slip from Yunho's body he realises the taller needed his cuddle partner just as much, if not more.

«San isn't one to hold grudges,» Seonghwa says and stirs him away from the room in the direction of the cafeteria where the rest of the group is waiting. They all smile at Hongjoong and Mingi curls an an arm around his own and rest his head on his shoulder. Hongjoong lets him, aware of the need of physical comfort the younger needs.

«Yunho with San?» Jongho asks and calmly snacks on his apple at the confirmation.

«The next time I have an idea like this smack me on the head,» Hongjoong requests dully. Yeosang rolls his eyes. «We'll do that nevertheless. You're as dumb as the rest of us.»

«It's okay, hyung,» Wooyoung smiles at him. «You can't know everything.»

Hongjoong cocks an eyebrow. Wooyoung elaborates, «San and Yunho sharing the same room – and bed – equals as much of a support system as me and Yeosang bickering and following each other wherever one of us intends to go.»

«Or Mingi being allowed to be the big idiot he is,» Yeosang adds. There's a muffled protest from the mentioned boy. Hongjoong cards a hand through the boy's hair to calm him. Mingi hums quietly in gratitude.

«I never saw it like that,» Hongjoong admits and glances at Seonghwa. The oldest grins and laces their hands together. «This,» he raises their hands, «is my support system. Knowing you got my back and I got yours.»

Hongjoong ducks his head in embarrassment and ignores the cooing from the younger ones. The conversation drifts to various topics that makes them laugh and squabble with each other.

«So, when can we take Sanie home?» Wooyoung wonders approximately two hours later, eyes set on the cafeteria's doors as if they hold the answer to his question.

Hongjoong shrugs. «Once he's cleared, I guess.» He needs to speak with the doctor. «We have to be patient-»

«Sanie!»

Wooyoung's yell echoes through the cafeteria. Seonghwa sighs in defeat and mumbles something about household noise level but smiles nonetheless at Wooyoung charging at two figures nearing their table, oblivious to the wry glances other occupants nearby shoot him.

Hongjoong silently musters the newcomers. Yunho has the usual red cheek he sports when he's woken up and his hair is slightly messy but else he seems in a good mood. There's no tension detectable in his body. «Hey guys,» he greets them cheerfully. «I brought someone you might've missed.» He gestures with his head to San who is perched on his back. Hongjoong feels relief wash over him when he sees San's bright eyes and the sleepy smile he sends them.

Wooyoung pats his best friend's cheeks and coos at him. San lets out a giggle and that seems to be an unsaid signal as suddenly the rest moves and swarm the two, various questions of «are you alright?», «are you hungry?», «want an apple?» and declarations of «missed you», «play this new game with me!» fly through the air. Hongjoong watches from the sidelines, not sure if he's allowed to approach San after what he put him through. But then their eyes meet, Yunho lets San down and the younger calls for Hongjoong who walks to him on autopilot.

The group goes silent and gives them space. Hongjoong can feel tears prickle his eyes and all he manages is another «I'm sorry» before San pulls him into his arms. Hongjoong buries his head on San's shoulder and holds him tight.

«It's okay, hyung,» he hear San say close to his ear. «There's nothing to forgive. You only did what you thought was best for the group.»

Hongjoong's body shudders. «I've hurt you.»

He feels San shrug. «You're only human, hyung. You own up to your mistakes. That's what matters.» He pulls back and Hongjoong lifts his head. San smiles brightly at him. «You're still the best leader I can ask for.»

And Hongjoong starts to cry. Immediately, his members surround him and hug the living daylights out of him. «I love you,» he manages to say between his sobs. «I love you all so much.»

****

Things get better.

It takes a while but soon enough their dynamics return to normal. Wooyoung still complains about being separated from San too much and that he wants him as his room mates that earn him several elbows but when San, curled on Yunho's lap and their hands intertwined, says with a grin it's okay, they can room together on tour the heaviness lifts and the group lets out a collective sigh of relief.

Hongjoong and Seonghwa treat San more carefully, the guilt obvious in their demeanour despite San's repeated assurance there are no hard feelings and that it was a trial that brought their group closer together. Hongjoong has smiled at that and ruffled the younger one's hair and half-asked him to just let them pamper him, it's their way of overcoming the guilt their mistake has brought.

And if San and Yunho are closer to each other than before and more kisses are involved nobody says anything. And if their «I love you» gradually changes its meaning over time it is only expected. 

Letting them sleep however they see fit is all that mattered.

**Author's Note:**

> yes, I love making my babies suffer, sue me. In the end they got a happy ending, so whatever *cough*
> 
> well, I hope you had fun (sort of) reading this not-so-much-masterpiece. See ya~


End file.
